hurricane blues

stuck inside today. just writing…

i’m always talking to myself
and i’m always never getting anywhere with that
feeling sorry for all the wrong things
still defiant
and i still do the wrong things
it’s warm,
this comforting malaise

of the all the people i know
bullies, drunks, parents, siblings, lovers —
thoughtless, unforgiving, uncaring, and mean —
the most tiresome is me

in a selfish way
i treat myself poorly
and revel as the victim
and take glory in the pain

if god forgives sinners
if parents always love
if blood truly binds
aalways forgiving
if everyone around me
is the greatest that i could know

then it’s not their fault
then the world is good to me
then i need their forgiveness
and then
i’ll treat myself well
and then
i will be better

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