are you ready for LARGE BLOCKS OF TEXT!!??!!

there’s a guy that’s on the internet
and he’s talking in a funny voice
and he’s reading from a letter
written by some scorned lover
the words are all a mess
and i feel bad for the girl
cause she’s either very young
or very very dumb
but it’s probably just the former
cause she can’t spell and she can’t type
and every typo’s spoken
like it’s gospel, he’s a preacher
this unnamed web narrator
now anybody knows
you don’t make fun
of someones broken heart
and it’s not the feeling
that we get as we listen in
to the horrid re-telling
of how poorly she was treated
all the strange… and embarrassing… things
that teenage boys do
and yes sometimes even older guys
they’re not above it
we’re all a little immature
and i’m not going to defend them
and it breaks my heart to listen
to how hurt and scared
that one girl is
and what will happen in the future
will she ever trust another
or will she brush it off like a pro
ignoring males acquiring currency
and the heartbreaker’s future
is also in a doubtful situation
he could remain forever clueless
like so many of us do
or he could learn from his mistakes
and become less anti-social
making connections with his friends and all potential lovers
there’s a hard road ahead for him
and the payoff is incremental
and it’s hard for all us lovers
we should all be so lucky
to drop out with our fists up
and look up to all the fighters
but either way i guess we made
our decisions when we were younger
there were mistakes
but fate be damned
we’ve all asked someone
to touch our hands
and right or wrong we did it
right or wrong we did it
and right or wrong we do the things
that we watch ourselves do
there’s nothing there to stop us
there’s no evil when we’re born
and we sometimes cross that barrier
between good and bad and nice and mean
it’s no one’s fault to speak of
and when we speak it’s lovely
and please
keep your voice coming
and the narrator, the preacher
knows all of this as he recites it
the subtext comes alive
inside his own heartbroken vibrato
and he’s the hero and the villain
the human race imbued in laughter
and it leaves me crying in the foyer
wrapped in rugs and shoes
i beg to be connected
scrambling for
the telephone
but oh my god, it’s not ringing
it’s just a memory of a voice
of someone i once trusted
a lover maybe just a friend
it doesn’t really matter
i held onto that ringing voice
even though it wasn’t
what we like to hear
criticism’s author
a portal for her scapegoats
i fell down to build her tower
and do we ever love each other
i think the answer’s maybe
and i ponder on it daily
but thinking doesn’t seem to solve it
we’re here for thinking and not solving
and that’s life’s greatest answer
and it’s hard to explain to each other
it’s enough trouble explaining it to myself
but i’ll browse and browse and browse
until my eyes and wrists are sore
searching for a connection missed
either in serious or mocking voice
the internet is here for us
and one day it will save us
and one day soon
it will save us

the preceding was inspired by this little bit of audio:

a dramatic reading of a real breakup letter by ieatpants

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