i’m pretty sure i’m awesome…

…but i am too sad to blog today.

instead, i’ll just paste in this very old post from the days before the weblog existed.
enjoy:

[May. 14th, 2005|12:36 am]
today was the first day of my new job…
since im working at a non-paying internship, i had to go get a paying job.
and, of course, a coffee shop job was perfect for me.
since i love coffee and all that stupid shit, im now working at oren’s daily roast.
anyways, my boss’s name is kevin and all throughout my 6 hour shift, he was making very dumb jokes. and well, the punchline about that is that he’s gay.
i never would’ve guessed, but then he told me.
so there’s that.

but, the highlight was after i gave some woman a pound of coffee and then she turned around–spinned around actually–became crazily flustered, and glared at me.
her eyes grew twice as big and she said to me, “where’s my boy?!”

so, yes, this woman had lost her child in a tiny little coffee shop that is as big as my living room, on lexington avenue. she ran out to the street frantic. our entire staff became frantic too, but it seems that none of us remember seeing a boy.
my new best friend chris isn’t worried at all, and he looks at me and says, “i didn’t see no kid, that woman is crazy… oh shit, i guess she’s calling 911 now… i really don’t want the cops to come up here.”

chris has no compassion. still, his apathy inspires me.

i was scared shitless. she had left her pound of coffee and tea and keys on the counter to go find her son. we were in the middle of a busy street at rush hour on the upper east side of new york city, and some 4 year old has gone missing. for about 15 minutes everybody is very confused and nobody got their coffee or tea or biscottis.

i was like, “whoa.”

finally, she comes back in with her son, (praise jesus) and tells us that he had walked all the way down to 76th street (we were at 79th street) and was trying to walk down into the subway. we’re relieved and confused and so she leaves.

the lady behind her tells us that she saw the boy walking down the street carrying the woman’s three shopping bags. he had escaped her clutches with all of her days spoils and was trying to get on the subway. it was pretty damn funny, but it just reminds me of how easy it will be to steal a baby…

i’m bout to steal me a baby!

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