and so begins the tale of carlos of nazareth

So here’s the deal:

Carlos was the second child born to Mary and Joseph. The first being Jesús. Just forget about the details for now because I do not want to get into this immaculate conception bullshit. There have been many (many) more “immaculate” conceptions throughout history. I’ll just leave it at that.

Well, things really were fine for a few years. Carlos was born exactly a year after his brother, which made birthdays easier to deal with (but as you might imagine, Christmas was a nightmare). Before he was 10, Carlos had mastered the guitar, piano, and upright bass. When he was 12 he finished his first symphony—Transfiguration. For his 13th birthday, his parents enrolled him in classes with the fertile crescent’s greatest composer, Jew Leo-ard.

In the meantime, older brother had learned to cobble and hammer and to sand and to plane—the art of carpentry came naturaly to him, and he felt the heart of the world in the wood he shaped.

Mary and Joseph were proud—and because they were so sure their sons were godly, and because the sin of pride is the easiest one to ignore, they were not humble nor quiet about their sons’ prowesses. As the good book promises though, pride was the first sin and thusly, it will be the last.

When Carlos turned 15 he fell in love. Valerina de Lovebone, a chubby trumpeteer who was a fellow student of Maestro Leo-ard. Valerina was the only blonde in Nazareth and, despite being constantly bombarded with attention, was a bit shy. When Carlos first crossed her path, she quickly stole a glance into his eyes. Her cheeks flushed and she shoved the rest of a half-eaten bratwurst into her mouth. Head down, she broke away quickly and Carlos was left breathless.

Jesús knew Valerina. He had turned several jugs of Kool-aid into wine for her since she moved into town at the beginning of the summer. He was desperate to show her some Lordly loving, but her attentions seemed focus on three things only: the trumpet, sausage and wine, and Carlos. (I guess technically that’s four, but if you saw the way she ate and drank, you’d understand why it’s really only three.)

To be continued…

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