stuck in long island city with the brooklyn blues again

hi everyone.

i’ve decided to spend lots of energy (and maybe some money) on producing a video for an ieatpants song. but here is the dilemma, which song to choose? i mean, they’re all poorly recorded in my bedroom, so forget that standard.

i would like you to do me a favor… tell me which song to use. you see, it’s very difficult for me to stand back from the songs and decide which would make the best video. i just want to make sure i’ve made a wise choice before i make a big investment.

so, these are my final candidates:

1. are you sleepy (i think i might be the only one who still likes this one)
   download the mp3
   
2. that wasn’t cocaine after all
   download the mp3
3. leave a little room in the glass for my lime (a very silly demo that i just recorded on sunday)
   download the mp3
4. what’s the world gonna say when you’re gone?
   download the mp3
5. you do what you like
   download the mp3
6. the day we gave up
   download the mp3
7. low cure (instrumental, but i like the building and the imagery of the layers of sound)
   download the mp3
8. bahgdad summer (this one is a demo but has my favorite guitar solo that i’ve ever recorded in it)
   download the mp3

what’s your favorite song? did i miss one? is this whole thing fucking stupid? (no offense to stupid people)

once i decide on a song, the fun really begins. i may have a kickstarter link up here in a couple weeks, so there will probably be an even more awkward request forthcoming… (uncomfortably tugs on collar).

thanks!!
-brandon

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lots of silliness here.
but also heartbreak.
whatever, it’s a fun song about limes.

Download the mp3 here

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…but i am too sad to blog today.

instead, i’ll just paste in this very old post from the days before the weblog existed.
enjoy:

[May. 14th, 2005|12:36 am]
today was the first day of my new job…
since im working at a non-paying internship, i had to go get a paying job.
and, of course, a coffee shop job was perfect for me.
since i love coffee and all that stupid shit, im now working at oren’s daily roast.
anyways, my boss’s name is kevin and all throughout my 6 hour shift, he was making very dumb jokes. and well, the punchline about that is that he’s gay.
i never would’ve guessed, but then he told me.
so there’s that.

but, the highlight was after i gave some woman a pound of coffee and then she turned around–spinned around actually–became crazily flustered, and glared at me.
her eyes grew twice as big and she said to me, “where’s my boy?!”

so, yes, this woman had lost her child in a tiny little coffee shop that is as big as my living room, on lexington avenue. she ran out to the street frantic. our entire staff became frantic too, but it seems that none of us remember seeing a boy.
my new best friend chris isn’t worried at all, and he looks at me and says, “i didn’t see no kid, that woman is crazy… oh shit, i guess she’s calling 911 now… i really don’t want the cops to come up here.”

chris has no compassion. still, his apathy inspires me.

i was scared shitless. she had left her pound of coffee and tea and keys on the counter to go find her son. we were in the middle of a busy street at rush hour on the upper east side of new york city, and some 4 year old has gone missing. for about 15 minutes everybody is very confused and nobody got their coffee or tea or biscottis.

i was like, “whoa.”

finally, she comes back in with her son, (praise jesus) and tells us that he had walked all the way down to 76th street (we were at 79th street) and was trying to walk down into the subway. we’re relieved and confused and so she leaves.

the lady behind her tells us that she saw the boy walking down the street carrying the woman’s three shopping bags. he had escaped her clutches with all of her days spoils and was trying to get on the subway. it was pretty damn funny, but it just reminds me of how easy it will be to steal a baby…

i’m bout to steal me a baby!

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is this really the respect you have for america’s greatest phallic monument?!
really!!!!

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i am looking for a new pair of pants.
dark, long, and lean.

inquire within.

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hi world wide web, does this sound too pretentious?

i’m looking to play some gigs. probably in brooklyn, which is where i live too.
i’ve been writing and recording for long time as ieatpants, but playing shows… that’s where the future is.

anyway, i have played at open mics and coffee shops and it’s kind of not that fun because i like to be loud and coffee and loud guitars don’t mix, apparently.
those coffee shop and open mic guys prefer their cupachinos with Dan Baird or Lyle Lovett, which is cool but not my sceene…

i’m just one (1) guy with the occasional guest singer or accompanist.

i sort of sound like: dinosaur jr, chad vangaalen , and maybe xiu xiu.

you can listen or download songs here: http://www.jamendo.com/en/album/20351

or myspace: http://www.myspace.com/hungryforpants

or blog: http://blog.ieatpants.com

i’m from cleveland and have played in a couple bands there, but i live in brooklyn now and am looking to start playing live.

i will play for beer, laughs, or for fun (but not all three).

thanks,
brandon

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So here’s the deal:

Carlos was the second child born to Mary and Joseph. The first being Jesús. Just forget about the details for now because I do not want to get into this immaculate conception bullshit. There have been many (many) more “immaculate” conceptions throughout history. I’ll just leave it at that.

Well, things really were fine for a few years. Carlos was born exactly a year after his brother, which made birthdays easier to deal with (but as you might imagine, Christmas was a nightmare). Before he was 10, Carlos had mastered the guitar, piano, and upright bass. When he was 12 he finished his first symphony—Transfiguration. For his 13th birthday, his parents enrolled him in classes with the fertile crescent’s greatest composer, Jew Leo-ard.

In the meantime, older brother had learned to cobble and hammer and to sand and to plane—the art of carpentry came naturaly to him, and he felt the heart of the world in the wood he shaped.

Mary and Joseph were proud—and because they were so sure their sons were godly, and because the sin of pride is the easiest one to ignore, they were not humble nor quiet about their sons’ prowesses. As the good book promises though, pride was the first sin and thusly, it will be the last.

When Carlos turned 15 he fell in love. Valerina de Lovebone, a chubby trumpeteer who was a fellow student of Maestro Leo-ard. Valerina was the only blonde in Nazareth and, despite being constantly bombarded with attention, was a bit shy. When Carlos first crossed her path, she quickly stole a glance into his eyes. Her cheeks flushed and she shoved the rest of a half-eaten bratwurst into her mouth. Head down, she broke away quickly and Carlos was left breathless.

Jesús knew Valerina. He had turned several jugs of Kool-aid into wine for her since she moved into town at the beginning of the summer. He was desperate to show her some Lordly loving, but her attentions seemed focus on three things only: the trumpet, sausage and wine, and Carlos. (I guess technically that’s four, but if you saw the way she ate and drank, you’d understand why it’s really only three.)

To be continued…

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video for ieatpants, “sometimes when you turn the lights on it takes a second” from the 2009 album simulation of an artist

Footage is taken from the launch of Apollo 11– Saturn V Rocket (Camera E-8), courtesty of nasa.gov (thanks socialism!)

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carlos of nazareth was the second-born son of mary and joseph. unlike his too cool for school brother, carlos was a drummer and band-geek. he listened to a lot of rush and yes and wrote Exodus and Revelation fan-fic.

carlos of nazareth in 7th grade marching band uniform

…more to come.

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